Monday, January 30, 2006
lonely world with a lonely girl leading a lonely life. lonely lonely her. lonely loner.
Sunday, January 29, 2006
HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR EVERYONE=D
SELAMAT CINA TAHUN BARU!
=D
poison tree
I was angry with my friend:
I told my wrath, my wrath did end.
I was angry with my foe:
I told it not, my wrath did grow.
And I water'd it in fears,
Night and morning with my tears;
And i sunned it with smiles,
And with soft deceitful wiles.
And it grew both day and night,
Till it bore an apple bright;
And my foe beheld it shine,
And he knew that it was mine.
And into my garden stole
When the night had veil'd the pole:
In the morning glad I see
My foe outstretch'd beneath the tree.
-William Blake (1794)
Saturday, January 28, 2006
OH MANN!! mei li qing ren is SUPER NICE can!! i cried seeing the ending! SO ROMANTIC!! I ALSO WAN! hahax! =P
naive girl once again((:
I'm not looking for someone to talk to
I've got my friends, I'm more than okay
I've got more than a girl could wish for
I live my dreams, but it's not all they say
Still I believe
I'm missing I'm missing something real
I need someone who releases me
Don't want to wake
Don't want to wake up alone anymore
Still believing you'll walk through my door
All I need is to know it's for sure
Then I'll give all the love in the world
I've often wondered if love's an illusion
Just to get you through the loneliest days
I can't critisise it, I had no hesitations
My imagination just stole me away
Still I believe
I'm missing I'm missing something real
I need someone who releases me
Don't want to wake
Don't want to wake up alone anymore
Still believing you'll walk through my door
All I need is to know it's for sure
Then I'll give all the love in the world
Love's for a lifetime
Not for a moment, how could I throw it away
I'm only human and that's more colder
With no-one to love me that way
I need someone who releases me
Don't want to wake
Don't want to wake up alone anymore
Still believing you'll walk through my door
You'll reach for me and I'll know it's for sure
Then I'll give all the love in the world
Don't want to wake up alone anymore
All alone
Don't want to wake up alone
Just reach for me
Don't want to wake up alone
Don't want to be alone
Don't want to wake up alone
Don't want to wake up alone
Don't want to wake up alone
Let me know it's sure
Don't want to wake up alone
Still believe in someone
Don't want to wake up alone
When you reach for me
Don't want to wake up alone
Let me know it's for real
super random((: hahax=P wishing everyone a..
HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!
ZHU DA JIA XIN NIAN KUAI LE!
SELAMAT BARU TAHUN CINA!
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
wad if one day, i disappear for good, will u care or even bother? will u regret? n will i be able to see u smile once more?
tian mi mi de na xie qing tian, wo de xin zong you he ni zai yi qi de qing jing. tian se bian an le xia qi le yu lai, wo de xin ye jian jian gan dao chen zhong. shi jian zong hui you qing lang de yi tian, mei le ni ri zi hai shi dei zhao guo. mei hao de hui yi, jiu jiu cang zai xin li de mou chu, shi shi ke ke xiang wo wei xiao.
xiang xiang, you ta shi, wo you hao hao zhen xi ma? you ta shi, wo you shuo guo cang zai xin li de hua ma? ben lai you yi qian zu yi wan zu hua yao dui ta shuo, ke yi qie yi tai chi le, tai chi le. jiu zhe yang, yi ye zhi jian, wo men shen me ye bu shi. wo gan jue zi ji fang fu shi qu le dui zi ji fei chang zhong yao de dong xi. jiu lian na hao duo hao duo ju hua, ye shui zhe can ku yu shang gan de yi qie er qu le.
shuo xiang you shen me yong? shuo ai you you shen me yong? wo ai guo wo xiang guo, na you ru he? dong xi bu shi ni de, shi zhong bu hui shi ni de. yi qie jiu you ming yun lai zuo jue ding ba. qing ai de ming yun, bai tuo ning le!
freedom`*]]
Sunday, January 22, 2006
piano.
a passion tt i haf for. the very thing which cheers me up when i'm down. the very thing which shares wif me my happiness, my sorrows, my laughters and tears. the very thing which makes me lost myself in when started engagin wif and also the very thing which adds on to the huge pile of burden.
exams.
the things which adds on to all those stress i haf to endure with. the things that makes my hair turns white. the things where i see red marks as end product.
parents.
ppl who care. ppl who look after you. ppl who nag. ppl who irritate. ppl who drive you nuts. ppl who force. ppl who tink everything they do is right. ppl who quarrel over money. 2 impt ppl who everyone will haf in life.
piano. exams. parents.
when these three things come together, i feel as though sometimes, i dun enjoy playin piano anymore. dun enjoy all those exam pieces. i feel forced. like today. played piano for 2 hours in the afternoon. went to nap. woke up. watchin tv while eatin. finish eating. told to play piano again. so now the question comes. where's my freedom?
i felt forced. told tt very person stop forcing me as i wun play properly. she still did anyway. switch off the tv. said she will not watch too. she din like the show anyway. and that doesn't shows like i din like it either. 5 days. haven reli been watch tv for 5 entire days. sat. wad's wrong wif those ppl nowadays.
to err is human. aint parents human? den why dun they admit they're in the wrong when they exactly are! is saying sorry so hard? it's so ironic when they are the very ppl who teach us all those values, manners, etc. good model isn't it?
people come. people leave. b4 they leave, they'll say," dear girl, move on. u hafta move on." things that holds a certain significance might lose its value over time. time flies. value lost. forsaken. as simple as tt.
memories. hidden somewhere deep within. when they do come back, they'll leave another slash in ur heart. deep and wide. leaving the blood to seep, to ooze out. it wun kill, but leave another scar, like it always does.
sometimes i feel as though i haf lost the meaning of life. tt it's pointless for a souless shell to carry on. lonely. yes. will a loner feel lonely? or will that loner be so used to being one that he/she has already forgotten wad is it like to be lonely. haf i lost it? or haf i not? i dunno. mebe, one day, i will find out. mebe, i will never will.
Friday, January 20, 2006
today. today. rude. explain myself. haiz. feel like crying after explainin. why am i always in this kinda shit? tt no one ever gets? why? was so afraid to look at mr seetoh cos i noe i will tear. no matter wadd, i haf to be strong. GROW UP GIRL! no one will pity u if u fall! NO ONE. dun ever hope tt there'll be someone tt y cab depend on. NEVER
promises.. something made to be broken.
Thursday, January 19, 2006
everything is but a facade. is tt true? reli?
eversince young, i've pondered abt almost all things in the world, liked why is the sky blue, why is sea water salty, why are parents so naggy, what's the colour that do not exist, etc. it's never endin. but, i've never question myself one thing,
what am i really good in? and what qualities do i possess that i should be proud of? why, at least, after 15 years of my life, those 2 questions finally came to my mind somehow. and somehow, i found myself lost, in the midst of nowhere. i'm trying my best to find the answers to my questions but i failed miserably. there's no answer to my ques in the internet or in any book. i strive hard, stretched myself, but to no avil. i fell once again. hard.
vice captain. so what if i am one? does tt mean that i've superb leadership qualities? no. it meant nothing at all. perhaps, it was just a mistake tt the councillors in terra voted for me. perhaps it's because there's onli a mere 3 ppl running for vice cap, tt i gotten that post by chance.
life. singapore. no life. we have no childhood. 15 years old and i have learnt so much abt politics and stuff. there's politics everywhere. even in schools. it's no wonder, there's such things called the politically right answer.
why cant ppl be satisfied sometimes?
piles and piles of troubles and obstacles for me to clear. i haven even clear half of em, another pile starts staking up again. classes. changes. tchers. isolent me. was complained abt my isolent manner. bein rude to a certain tcher. being rude when i din even say any wrong words. being rude i suppose is equvilent to being firm. her definition at least. over the time, i learnt how to be firm, to my friends. i apply it, and i was blamed. for a skill i picked up.
rude.
is the word. why cant our dear school teacher put herself in her students' shoes? or rather, in ours? everything is my fault from the start. i should haf jz celebrate when i heard the news of my beloved og goin to another hse AFTER orientation has ended. how nice!
rude.
so what's rude? okay, mebe being firm is rude. but what about adding the word "NOSENSE" or rather adding it twice in your speech? does tt make is amiable? i suppose so. a tcher is always right isn't it?
i dunno wadd's the consequence of posting such entry. but this is a personal blog, no one has the right to interfere as i'm insulting no one. please don't say i insulted anyone, cos i was merely stating whateva happen to me. whateva that displeases me.
someone asked, y r u becoming so negative? haven i always been likdat? have i? i realised, even the most popular person has his/her lonely side. well, needless to say abt me. obviously i haf one too. the difference is tt, mine is.. i dunno how to explain. i'm a real loner? sometimes i felt as if i haf split personality. i dunwan anything likdat to happen on me.
failure in everything. esp by conveying e msg of firm to isolent. if u haven realise, i aint the smart-brained-type. so pardon me.
ironic world. ironic me.
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
i shouldn't haf tried to console anyone and making the person worse. idiot. u knew today is one of those depression days, why did u bother consoling anyone? making em feelin worse em b4. u suck hell lot larhx.
ps. this entry is refering to myself. i'm mad. )):
to those irritating ppl out there who spread rumours like the rate of breathing, CAN U PPL PLEASE STOP IT? my life is beautiful and i dun need u ppl to "add colours" to it! so, please mind your own business, go away and SHUT THE HELL UP. sorry to be crude, but i'm super piss. call me childish, cos i dun understand why 2 good friends can be described as flirting with each other.
RAHH
Monday, January 16, 2006
oh well. orientation 1 of 2006 finally ended. )): these 8 days. has reli been fulfiling for me. did so many things tt i could haf never done b4. or rather, haf never.
still remember b4 orientation, i was worrying over not able to participate in orientation due to my unacceptable results. imagine doin all those preparation work but not able to enjoy em. quite sad huh? as usual, those valueless things of mine came rolling down. hahax=P my tear glands are hyperactive. thanks to all those who talked to me abt it in anyway.
den.. surprisingly, my civics tutor said indirectly tt i could participate! I WAS OVER THE MOON!! =D 1st week, we took ip06. was quite disappointed. cos, i was told tt i'll be taking a j1 class. so how i felt cheated. it's not tt ips aint fun. but it's jz a common mindset tt 9 out of 10 of us in nj will haf. but, guess wadd? after a week of interacting with ips, i realise, they aint tt childish at all. mebe still a bit(like wadd i was last year) but reli nt tt bad! was quite good in fact((:
2nd week, we got 06S23! a J1 class!! i was reli glad, cos i finally had a chance to see wadd's it's like to be in charge of ppl older than me! =D guess wadd, they din even realise i was ip until somehow, someone told em i was one year younger than em and man! they got a shock! hahax=P S23!!
U GUYS ARE RELI SWEET!! they gave all the ogls a bouquet of roses and some (i dunno wadd) flowers. SUPER NICE! somemore they wrap emself!! super sweet can! i still kept it in a vase of water=D it was reli warming to see S23 so bonded. seeing them discussing, working together, winning the best green bean plant class, shopping, makes me reli happy deep down. they reli reminds me of a year ago, when i was ip1. hahax=P
OGLs! reli needa thank all of ya! TEZALLE OGLS=D u guys are the best can!! thanks for tolerating with this childish vice cap u guys haf. and.. daixuan, yiting, maeyue, last but definitely not the least, KAISIANg!! thanks for giving me so much happiness!!! =D
the ip3s in S23! U guys ROCK larhx. din noe IP3s are so super nice!!! =D
terra HAT, we survived!! WE SURVIVED!! all those walk in, all those house sessions, all those discussions we had super late at nite, WE SURVIVED! =D let's continue to strive on yea?
last but not least, THE TRIO=D
U guys are the best clique i can ever ask for!! even though there are super a lot of stupid gossips which aint any bit true, but, U GUYS ARE STILL THE BEST=D presenting to ya, (from left)
me aka xiao fang, kaisiang aka da kai and deyao aka ah de!! =D
LOVE YOU GUYS=D (ohh.. i realise we've got nice teeth!! hahahax!)
n.. I LOVE ICE CREAM=D
Sunday, January 15, 2006
one day, just one day, this day will arrive.. ((: no matter who you are, how many years it takes, i'll wait. for the right moment, the right person, the onli you. ((:
Monday, January 09, 2006
my sweet darlingg ((:
)): sad. i haven heard my real voice for abt 2-3 weeks. all i heard is a mess of hoarse deep and "sexy" voice=.= it's a nightmare nowadays everytime when i open my mouth to say anything. it's so man. girl's face plus man's voice.
I DUN LIKE IT.
Nj superstar is coming. i hafta ask as many ppl to join the audition as possible so tt terra will haf more points. and obviously i myself will haf to join even if i might be tone deaf. wadd's worse now is tt i cant even speak properly, how to sing?
flu loves me too much and refuses to leave me alone. haiz. cough treat me as his dear and refuses to leave me either. sorethroat stick to my throat as though it's my precious one. haiz.
I HAVEN BEEN TRAINING FOR WEEKS! AND I FEEL LIKE DYING! I RELI WANNA RUN 3K at least once everyweek. but.. how to do tt when, u can even breathe properly with your nose? )):
the medicine taste HORRIBLE!! SUPER HORRIBLE. it doesn't just taste bitter. it's a bit of bitter, a bit of saltish, a bit of spicy,etc. i dunno. I JUST DON'T LIKE THE TASTE. hafta rinse my mouth 4-5 times right after i've eaten. oh well.. the fun of orientation has just begun. so reli hope everyone will enjoy from monday onwards!
but.. i'm goin to change og le. cos. now tt everyone is being informed of their classes, terra will take in 06ip02 instead of 06ip06. i apologise tt i haven been able to reli bond with ip06 much cos have other things to ensure of. hahax=P was part time ogl for og34. ((: cos debo was shorthanded tt day, so i kinda helped((:
debo!! jiayou in handling ur og kie?? mz be more daring!! and speak louder!! den can le=D haiz.. ohh.. i've got a few favourite og members. buden.. sadly.. they're all NOT gonna be in terra. tammie will be in 06A01. Deyao is 06S12. cant remember the rest. haiz. WHY?? why cant deyao be in 06S11?? onli one class diff lorhx. he's super enthu to make me think tt he's actually a j3 who's crashing orientation larhx!! haiz. terra dun haf the most enthu ppl. have always been likdat. why cant we haf better luck?
sometimes i dun reli understand, why a simple stuff, like lending a stupid tree(props) can stir up such a storm, causing unhappiness between 2 houses. why? haiz. quite stress recently. so many things to do, so many things to handle.
-homework (a HUGE pile)
-chinese new year celebrations
-> trying to drag as many terra members into participating NJ idol
-> banner painting for all J1s and ip1s
-some song writing competition for total defence day
-piano
-basketball ( I HAVEN BEEN TRAINING)
-walk in (i'm still not very sure of everything when the performance is TOMORROW!)
-skit. (not very sure of the last part)
-tidying my room ( hoping to find the stack of cards tt i've lost) still din haf the courage to tell my junior tt i've lost the whole stack of our cards. )):
i scolded a guy a wimp. actually.. i'm the real wimp. haiz. i dun like 2006. it's onli 08 jan n i'm like all stress out. i'll be strong. i'm an independent girl. i'm old enough.
i'll be smarter than YOU.
definitely`*]]
Thursday, January 05, 2006
i believe tt diff ppl's tears haf diff value. but mine.. they're worthless
heyy peeps. NEVER EVER LEAVE THE PRESENT U WANNA GIVE UR FRENZ ON HIS/HER TABLE. COS.. SOMEONE WILL TAKE IT AWAY. LIKE WADD HAPPEN TO ME.
sorry for making a fuss. but i'm jz angry for the fact that e pressie i put on my frenz's table is like gone. onli the silver pen is left(which i left beside the pressie originally).
I WRAP SUPER NICE CAN. SUPER PISS)):
CAN I CURSE TT IDIOT? )): AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. better dun let me noe who r u and obediently RETURN ME WADEVA CRAP U TOOK.
most impt part.. is I WAN THE WRAPPIN PAPER WITH IT. or else.. U WILL FEEL GUILTY FOREVA. HORRIBLE FATE. DUN PROVOKE ME.
idiot.
oh well. stupid person over here tinks tt nj is like super safe. oh well.. STUPID ME. )):
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
PLease.. DONT ever mention anything abt the fine for the lost of ogl guidebook being wavered cos.. if u do tt.. i'll jz vent my anger on you no matter who u are!! >.< hahax=P remember.. i've got violent outburst!! so beware!! =D
wth larhx.. i spent like 2 plus hours "duplicating" the ogl guidebook into a BOOK!! den now likdat.. )):
oh yarhx.. guess wadd? i'm down wid..
heavy flu
cold
cough
sore throat
hoarse and "sexy" voice
headache
slight fever
pimples outburst(is tt counted?? =P)
stomachache (comes a few times in a day)
giddy
oh man. i reli look like a yao guai now larhx. bloodshot eyes. hoarse and deep "sexy" voice. geeky look(cos of my specs). black monster!! )): anyone need actress for horror film? well.. i'm available=D jz tt spot light needa shine abit more=x cos.. later cant see me=x i blend=x
OH MAN. why am i suaning myself? mz be hang too much wif glen and gang!! hahax=P erm.. sounds weird.. cos.. glen is always the one making fun of my complexion!!
haven even first day of school and i'm ILL!! )): i dunwan to carry PACKETS of tissue paper around!! )): and i dunwan to let some idiot see how horrid i look when i'm ill. (not like i aint one when not) hahax=P so happy!! he's in OG3!! he's NOT in tezalle OG!! i SO DUNWAN to see tt *beep* oh well.. i realise.. i'm sounding like a typical bim!! hahahx=P anitha!! all ur fault larhx=x =D
and.. and.. i realise.. me and kaisiang make good actor and actress!! =D wahahhaax=P is like. the whole tezalle skit we can sort of 2 men show=D hahahax=P oh well..
*coughs* HAPPY SCHOOLING EVERYONE=D
//+ let's pray for the best. dun hope for anything even though anything's possible.
ps. sounds cliche=x
Monday, January 02, 2006
i've jz realised.. i've a dead blog! bein a member in tezalle, i'm given the power to heal and to even revive the dead. with such talent, i should not let it go to waste, therefore, i've decided.. to.. REVIVE MY BLOG=D
wahahahahahhax=D
oh well. i'm quite madd abt tezalle after all those orientation group leader(ogl) thingy!! hahax=P ogl camp is fun=D i like a goin home camp=D cos i can like bathe properly=D at home tt is=D i was in grp 2. so we've decided to name out grp, "TOO HOT"! obviously!! with me and all other got ppl in it, tt's the onli name suitable for us bahx=D oh well.. my ego nowadays=D hahahax=P wonder why i'm in such a egoist state. still remember tt time when i was like super humble den someone.. i dunno who larhx.. SOMEONE told me to haf self confidence.. now i become so ego!! hahax=P one day this year.. i will be just as smart as that SOMEONE. =D
stupid "brother" of mine(ABEL CHAR) went to give my ogl guidebook away to a solaris guy!! den tt guy went off wif my book. b4 break camp, huilin told all ogls tt, the booklet cost a freakin dollar. one book with 8 pieces of paper equals $1!! )): ppl who lost it hafta pay.. TEN BUCKS! tt's insane can. so i spent the whole afternoon scanning and printing it making it into a sort of identical booklet as the one we had=D super satisfied with my printing skills=D
hahax=P during the second day of ogl camp, i was like super happy after realising tt i've mastered the car wash mass dance=D WAHAHHAHAx=D wednesday is the break camp. thursday, hafta go back to school to practise all those skit and dances and walk-in=D hahax=P the skit is like super lame! and i'm like the BIGGEST JOKER! i've to show ppl my kungfu larhx! super funny. hahax=P somemore.. i tot of tt role myself! is like sabotaging myself can!! =X
well. i wun tell u wadd's the skit abt yet=D cos.. i dun wan to be a spoiler=D yea=D there's a game in the initiation games called "small fish and big fish" den abel was like showing me tt game=.= tt's how i ended up hitting him and losing my one dollar booklet!! )):
friday was like full dress rehearsal=D hahax=P basically, my whole week from tuesday to friday was like to reach school at 8am and home at 9pm. cool huh! 13 hours in school! for tezalle.. i'll endure=D (i sounded like i'm so wei da=P) so glad when tezalle finally managed to get the walk-in and the skit perfect=D tezalle.. rock on man=D
btw.. mr tan agreed to let me be an ogl! I WON'T DISAPPOINT YOU MR TAN=D i will request for like make-up everyweek=x oopx. hahax=P it's hard to be tchers nowadays when u haf dumb students like ME=x but, i'll work hard.. and be as smart as SOMEONE. =D wait and see everyone=D i swear NOT to be last in class. and do ALL my hw on time! EVERYTHING=D n joke lesser=D yess!! My As!! this time i wun chase after you, i let you to come and find me=D
YESSS!! my self confidence is back finally=D heehee=P along with ego=x =D
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE=D
oh.. i realise.. holidays doesn't neccesary means it's the time for you to relax and new year doesn't mean tt it'll be a joyous season. good friday doesn't mean that i'll be blessed. valentines doesn't mean tt i'll be loved. cos i realised.. bad things tend to occur on those days. hahax=P if u dun get wadd i meant.. jz ignore it=D cos.. u'll never noe=D
super ill today. headache. stomachache. flu. sorethroat. cold. cough. oh well.. tt's bad enough isn't it? ((: once again.. HAPPY NEW YEAR=D
